Gay Shorts

by Extreme John on March 27, 2009

Old School Spandex Phase

Old School Spandex Phase

Yeah I said it… Gay Shorts. I have nothing against Gay people and couldn’t care less about Gay whatever so before anyone gets bent please realize… Gay anything doesn’t bother me, if thats your thing it’s your thing so be it. Now with that said it’s only right that I move into my post about the shorts I ordered from American Eagle online, and this will serve as one of the many reasons I hate buying stuff online.

I jump online one night because I have honestly had the same shorts (which Im tired of looking at) since last year and since Im not a big “Jeans” guy I wear shorts almost all the time. This always presses me with a tough situation because typically I don’t have a ton of Mall time to just shoot to the mail and grab stuff, especially with a couple of kids and the Business thing so my chances to shop I usually reserve for the Holidays when I know Im going to have to make the rounds regardless if I have the time available or not. So here I sit late one night getting ready to order some shorts online from American Eagle, figure I will have them shipped and I save myself time at the store however I have learned in the past that I don’t have much luck shopping online, something always ends up wrong. Now when I do finally place an order online the last thing I am ever considering is that I might have to return something that I purchased….. I hate going to Post Offices just as much as I hate going to the Mall and I hate going to the bank so shipping stuff back is not going to work for me, nor will returning the stuff to the mall because like I said I don’t have a bunch of mall time on my hands.

Now Im feeling pretty confident or maybe the word is hopeful about ther stuff I ordered coming and being fine and much out of my character I didn’t just order one pair of shorts I ordered numerous pairs of shorts and even with the 20% off it was still just under $400 for the order with shipping. I also have stuff overnighted, I hate waiting for things it drives me crazy Im more of a see it now, get it now kinda guy.

I patiently wait for my order to arrive and when it does Im excited like anyone else is to have something else to wear. I crack open the box which has each pair of shorts I ordered individually wrapped (see no reason for this btw), I begin to rip into the each individually wrapped item carefully looking at each pair of shorts to check out the color and whatever else. Once I pass that stage I move on to the, “Lets try it on” stage and this is where my problem comes to light… First pair of shorts I try on is shorter than any pair of shorts I think I may have ever worn, aside from the Spandex phase I went through (enjoy the laugh bastards) when I was a kid. I slightly panic and instantly know that there’s no way I can wear those shorts, they are above my knee!! What the fu*k! I move on to the next pair, same problem than I move on to a pair of the jean shorts that are destroyed (I like my shorts destroyed), now who in their right mind is going to have a guys pair of shorts (jean shorts mind you) that comes above the knee… Sorry but that’s just sick and twisted! Sure as shit I slap the hip hugging, muffin top making jean shorts on and they are even shorter than the other shorts I tried on!!!!

Since when do guys need “Short shorts”? as in “We wear short shorts”, thats for the ladies not the fellas and certainly not any grown man. Needless to say not one pair of the shorts I ordered were EJ Approved so here I sit with a box full of $400 worth of shit, no time for the damn mall and Im not going to the post office to return them either. Just another reason I can’t stand shopping online!

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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Lace
Twitter:

ROFL Please tell me that’s you in the picture!!! !

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Extreme John
Twitter:

Haha yeah man it’s me in the picture.

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Mike
Twitter:

I was seriously about to buy some shorts online this weekend. But now I think I’ll venture out to an actual store sometime soon.

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Extreme John
Twitter:

Yeah save yourself the trouble, Im not sure if it’s going to be the “New thing” if so it won’t be my new thing.

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Nate
Extreme John
Twitter:

Wow that was pretty crazy, it didn’t even look like she had her legs locked straight, wonder what caused her to hit the deck.

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Christina Bledsoe
Twitter:

Ugg! I simply do not order anything online. The reason is because I am VERY tiny and nothing ever fits me. Clothes shopping for me is a major pain in the ass. Once I’m rich enough I want to have someone that knows my size and what I like and I’ll never have to worry about clothes shopping again. Sorry you had such trouble. I hope you do send them back or figure some way to get what you thought you were getting.

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Extreme John
Twitter:

I was lucky enough to have Lisa volounteer to return them at the mall for me, most likely because she knows I am terrible with stuff like that and chances are I would have just let it sit in the box until they no longer had value for return and just donated them. So I can give that thanks and credit to Lisa :)

I would agree with you I am starting to see that ordering clothes online is a nightmare and the stuff I need couldn’t be more basic, which is why I dont understand the reason behind American Eagle going with “short” guy shorts. Puke.

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Christina Bledsoe
Twitter:

PS In total agreement that short shorts on men are gay. In that I live in West Hollywood I think its pretty evident I am not a homophobic either. Its along the same lines as wearing butt huggin’ pants.

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Extreme John
Twitter:

Yes exactly, has nothing to do with being homophobic or anything like that, it’s simply the easiest term I could come up with for this post and the crappy shorts from American Eagle.

P.s) American Eagle still offers some none super short shorts, Lisa brought home two pair and a gift card for the remaining credit.

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Christina Bledsoe
Twitter:

Cool :mrgreen:

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Freddie

I’ve got to agree that short shorts on men are gay!
I think internet buying is quite good, i’ve never had a problem with it but i always have to order overnight. I can’t stand the wait!
Glad you got rid of them.

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Extreme John
Twitter:

Yeah man they weren’t forme, maybe for some people just not for me.

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bookmark

Short shorts on men may be considered as gay nowadays. Perhaps, sometime in the future that might be fashionably trendy. Who’s know?

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JC

You my 80′s baby, 90′s child ARE too young to remember the 80′s, the REAL 80′s (1981, 1982, 1983), because you would have worn the REAL short-shorts!!! The kind that were like 3-4″ of an inseam, and you would have liked it, because EVERYONE, young, old, big, small, we ALL wore that style!!!! You, however, are too young to remember it, as you would not have called shorts with an inseam of 7″ the “short-shorts” as you have. By the way, nice early 90′s picture, if it were taken 10 years earlier, those thighs would have been FULLY visible!!!

STOP acting like a pussy, and have balls to wear shorts that are actually shorts, not this half-assed pieces of garbage today that are called “shorts” that cover 1/2 the leg!!!!!!!!!!

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Extreme John
Twitter:

@JC, hey just because you want your sack split in half with booty shorts for boys doesn’t mean I want to or need to.

You seem to have your short “inseams” down to the T, nice work.

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shortlover

Short shorts on men and women are fine there is noting gay or lesbian about it. But back in my country teen girls wear the shortest short exposing their sanitary pads and the guys wear the mini high split leg shorts with no underware exposing their pirvate parts when they sit. Now thats too much if it is worn properly there is no problems. i love short shorts i wear them myself and my sister goes saying “whoa they’re quite short on you” :high:

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ZXT
Twitter:

This post is so funny. Remember the old Lakers vs Boston rivalry? NBA players wearing short shorts…those are gay shorts to me :)
.-= ZXT´s last blog ..Sunday’s Babe of the Week =-.

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JAC

Nice spreading of a sterotype! Ever go to a gay bar, or any gay event? Obviously, you haven’t, because 99% of the gay guys there don’t wear shorts above their knees!! It’s a total stereotype that began in the 1990′s, and carried to this decade. If it was “gay” then why did 99% of straight guys in the 1970′s and 1980′s, even up to the early 1990′s!, wear them?? Obviously, it’s not gay, it’s only a stereotype, and thank you for helping to spread this stereotype in your fascist way, called the internet blog!!!

I’m guessing you’re born after 1977 (or 1975-1976 even), as that’s the final year for Generation X (depending on the source, but most agree 1979-1980 begins Y), who all wore that style during the 1980′s.

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Steve K.

I was born in 1973 so I got to experience the freedom of wearing short shorts when i was a kid. I have now gone back to wearing the short shorts. I am straight, I am 5’7″ ,185lbs and l practically live in the gym when I am not working. I enjoy showing off what i have worked so hard to achieve in the gym. I feel like the lone ranger sometimes dressing in short shorts and skimpy tank tops but the positive comments that i get from the girls far outweigh the snickers that i get from the rednecks and the younger guys. I just don’t understand how its ok for girls to show off their bodys and guys are expected to dress like the female Arab women,”all covered up” or suffer being chastised for showing off some skin.

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Extreme John
Twitter:

Hey Steve, sounds like your ok with showing some skin, go bananas and do your thing.

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safaridave

Nice Shorts !
We all have these wonderful old photos.
safaridave recently posted…What do Bearded Dragons and Jodie Foster Have in Common?My Profile

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Extreme John
Twitter:

haha yes we do

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