Yeah I said it… Gay Shorts. I have nothing against Gay people and couldn’t care less about Gay whatever so before anyone gets bent please realize… Gay anything doesn’t bother me, if thats your thing it’s your thing so be it. Now with that said it’s only right that I move into my post about the shorts I ordered from American Eagle online, and this will serve as one of the many reasons I hate buying stuff online.
I jump online one night because I have honestly had the same shorts (which Im tired of looking at) since last year and since Im not a big “Jeans” guy I wear shorts almost all the time. This always presses me with a tough situation because typically I don’t have a ton of Mall time to just shoot to the mail and grab stuff, especially with a couple of kids and the Business thing so my chances to shop I usually reserve for the Holidays when I know Im going to have to make the rounds regardless if I have the time available or not. So here I sit late one night getting ready to order some shorts online from American Eagle, figure I will have them shipped and I save myself time at the store however I have learned in the past that I don’t have much luck shopping online, something always ends up wrong. Now when I do finally place an order online the last thing I am ever considering is that I might have to return something that I purchased….. I hate going to Post Offices just as much as I hate going to the Mall and I hate going to the bank so shipping stuff back is not going to work for me, nor will returning the stuff to the mall because like I said I don’t have a bunch of mall time on my hands.
Now Im feeling pretty confident or maybe the word is hopeful about ther stuff I ordered coming and being fine and much out of my character I didn’t just order one pair of shorts I ordered numerous pairs of shorts and even with the 20% off it was still just under $400 for the order with shipping. I also have stuff overnighted, I hate waiting for things it drives me crazy Im more of a see it now, get it now kinda guy.
I patiently wait for my order to arrive and when it does Im excited like anyone else is to have something else to wear. I crack open the box which has each pair of shorts I ordered individually wrapped (see no reason for this btw), I begin to rip into the each individually wrapped item carefully looking at each pair of shorts to check out the color and whatever else. Once I pass that stage I move on to the, “Lets try it on” stage and this is where my problem comes to light… First pair of shorts I try on is shorter than any pair of shorts I think I may have ever worn, aside from the Spandex phase I went through (enjoy the laugh bastards) when I was a kid. I slightly panic and instantly know that there’s no way I can wear those shorts, they are above my knee!! What the fu*k! I move on to the next pair, same problem than I move on to a pair of the jean shorts that are destroyed (I like my shorts destroyed), now who in their right mind is going to have a guys pair of shorts (jean shorts mind you) that comes above the knee… Sorry but that’s just sick and twisted! Sure as shit I slap the hip hugging, muffin top making jean shorts on and they are even shorter than the other shorts I tried on!!!!
Since when do guys need “Short shorts”? as in “We wear short shorts”, thats for the ladies not the fellas and certainly not any grown man. Needless to say not one pair of the shorts I ordered were EJ Approved so here I sit with a box full of $400 worth of shit, no time for the damn mall and Im not going to the post office to return them either. Just another reason I can’t stand shopping online!