Table Turd

Nothing like a sweet Sunday afternoon rant to clear the mind before Bob a Q’in and hanging around by the pool. There have been a few times this week that I intended on posting a rant and stopped in the middle of it, I think my new “calm” that seems to have come over me is due to the amazing food and drink at a local place called Ozona Blue. The place has the most amazing Cedar Plank Sea Bass I have ever had, Ok Im not gonna lie here… I’ve never had Sea Bass or anything cooked on a cedar plank before Sean from Car Tunes turned me onto Ozona Blue, either way BEST SEA BASS EVER. I have become an addict of Ozona Blue in Palm Harbor, Florida in a very short period of time, spent three days there this week. As I am writing this post I have almost began to forget about my rant again as I drift off into picturing the Sea Bass and Fresh Grilled Grouper on the cedar plank being shovelled into my face. I need to get focused here before this turns into a full fledge love story.

We decided to head over to Ozona Blue for dinner again last night, the place is perfect for me it has an outside bar with table service and a swimming pool for the kiddies to enjoy. They love the place too. I don’t usually like going out to dinner around dinner time, it’s typically a nightmare everywhere you go however with Ozona Blue it’s never a wrong time to go. When we get there the place is mobed and rightfully so it’s dead smack in the middle of dinner time (6pm), Lisa ends up grabbing one of the table beepers in order for us to get a table. We decide to head out to the outside bar area where they have high top tables that are first come first serve seating, in other words you better be ready to wrestle the angry mob of people if you plan on ever getting a table. Not really sure why places even offer that it’s nothing more than a pain in the ass and typically gets me heated. No reason to be heated on this amazing Saturday as I stand and drinks beers on an open deck and enjoy the scenery. That is until we see our server from the last time we were in, he said he would get us taken care of and grab us a table as one of his customers had JUST grabbed the check.

As the server tells us about the table getting ready to open up I can see this douche and his train wreck of a bitch eye balling the server from behind, as he begins to eyeball me as well. No shocker out to dinner with the Family and the Table Turd had decided he wants to become a difficult prick. He continues to sit and sip what was barely left of his warm sun brewed beer as slow as he possibly can, no biggie the prick bought it and he should be able to take his sweet ass time drinking it. Remember now he already has his check paid and him and sloppy should be exiting stage left soon, instead the Table Turd orders another beer… Than another… Than, well you get the point and as he is sipping away like a baby on a boob he is constantly looking over and constantly making comments to his little troll. Mind you I am with my family, which includes two little girls. My patience began to run out and about an hour and half goes by and someone walks up to their table and stands there, they are doing the death defying act of lunging in on a table before someone else grabs it.

As my anger begins to increase it reaches a new level when the new people walked up and at some point put their drinks on the table. A table which by this point had a “Reserved” sign on it for us when the table would become available, now the douche has become their best friend and is yapping away with the people…. Not sipping beer anymore, just sitting there and being a prick knowing damn well we have been VERY patiently waiting… I am at my boiling point because I can constantly see the guy saying shit and looking in our diretion, that shit was funny for the first hour but by now I wasn’t finding it funny anymore. I walk over to the table to kindly let the people that just walked up to the shitheads table that we have the table reserved, at which point the golf shirt wearing fairy princess and his troll chick jump in with, “Oh these are our friends we are going to be here a while.” Now keep in mind for about the past 45 minutes I considered cracking him in the head with an elbow or ten and worked very hard to keep my composure, having him interrupt me when I wasn’t talking to him and both of them acting like smug three year olds was not helping the calming factor.

The best bet seemed to be to simply outclass them by calming down and just enjoying myself before I got out of control about the Table turd and created a scene, I did share some choice words and he knew very well how much of an asshole I trully believed he was. Im not sure it was too much of a suprise to him that he’s an asshole or that someone even thought he was an asshole, numerous people including our server made it clear that he’s always an asshole and he had been asshole all day. I can’t really say I understand why some moron would get a rise out of sitting at a table just to simply irritate someone else, I wonder if he felt like a big man knowing that there were two little girls waiting to have some grub while he sat there and acted like the almighty table protector. In my opinion that shows just how little class he really has, add in the talking shit and making comments and he is a real winner. We ended up getting the table all though it was much much later, his troll chick came up to me and tried to be all buddy buddy at which point I thought her chicklet rotting teeth were going spew from her reaking grille. I couldn’t be bothered with her, two low lifes that any public establishment would be better without.

Since I have no intentions of quitting my addiction to Ozona Blue anytime soon it is safe to say that I might have the chance to run into the Table Turd again some time soon, who knows maybe him and his fine slice of pie might be in need of a table. In the end I was still at a kick ass place eating amazing food and drinking ice col bud light as the sunsets behind me, I couldn’t have had a better night. Let the comments fly I look forward to hearing your opinion.

Tagged as: florida, ozona blue, palm harbor, rant